The Second Time
by Chasing.Twilight
Summary: After an accident leaves Sydney Sage with half a memory, her old life threatens the new and leaves her forced to face everything, all over again. AU.


Hi! The idea for this hit me while I was reading a fic for a completely different fandom about a completely different pairing and I had to stop reading and start writing. It _will _be a multi chaptered story, but updates will be slow until the summer because during the school year I have a lot of commitments and writing sadly has to come below all of those.

This story is set at a time when Adrian and Sydney are… were… pretty much a couple, but doesn't really acknowledge too much what happened in The Indigo Spell.

**Disclaimer:**I own absolutely nothing. I can just about afford rent. Don't sue.

**Summary**: After an accident that has left her half the person she used to be, Sydney Sage finds herself far more out of her depth than she was the first time she enrolled at Amberwood. Torn between finding the girl she used to be and running from her at full speed, she struggles to relearn the rules of her new life and fight for all that she has lost.

_"Something about the boy before her should have been recognisable, but it wasn't. All that existed was a feeling at the pit of her stomach, but that was fear. He was a vampire, and she'd always been trained to fear their kind. Her face remained stoic as her eyes darted away from his retreating figure. Then, he was gone."_

* * *

Chapter 1

_Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met._

My hands fumbled on the zipper of my bag twice before I managed to close it completely. I tried not to feel frustrated with myself as I slid my bag onto my shoulder and grabbed the keys to my new car – _old_ car, I reminded myself sternly, the car you've been driving for months, Sydney - and glanced in the mirror. My hair was pulled back into a high ponytail; my shirt pressed and crease free. I was nervous, and so had overcompensated for it with the iron that morning. The creatures I was going to live with for an unknown amount of time _knew_ me, but I did not know them. They were evil, and they had the advantage. Anyone would be nervous, I told myself. The only thing to do was to pretend I _wasn't _nervous, to meet the vampires with authority and remind them that there was an Alchemist around, and they were to behave.

I'd been briefed about them all, of course. I'd spent hours hunched over the old fragments of my life, before the accident; before I'd lost all my memories. The Moroi Queen's sister, Jillian, was my responsibility, and a Dhampir named Edison was to assist me in keeping her safe. I repressed a slight shudder, thinking of how his arms were likely corded with muscle, trained to destroy, like the evil creatures his race were. He would be a constant reminder to me of what happened when humans and vampires mixed. I pushed the thought from my mind, wanting to lose the sick feeling floating in my stomach.

Since I'd woken up in hospital, my body had been strange. Feeling sick had been a feeling I'd become acquainted too and my hands often trembled and made my actions unsteady, making me feel painfully inadequate._ That_ old feeling that had returned when I'd spoken with my father in the hospital. Jared Sage had always been hard on me, and somehow, he'd made me feel responsible for my accident, as if I was taking up valuable resources by being in the hospital; resources that were more worthy of someone else. Now more than ever he seemed ashamed of me. I was used to it, and had privately laughed bitterly; of all the things I had managed to remember, my inadequacy in the eyes of my father had been one of them.

I was determined to prove him wrong. I was going to achieve his praise, his approval. I would not let him down again.

My task was difficult, I thought grimly, as I mentally reviewed the documents I'd been given one last time, just to be safe. I'd have to work hard to ensure the Keeper child, Angeline, behaved. No doubt she was uncouth and didn't know how to behave in normal social situations. I'd heard of the Keepers during my Alchemist training, of course; the thought of racial intermingling made me quickly skip over any more information about her.

There was also another Moroi, not being protected, but there because… well, no one really seemed to know why. He was, apparently, a lazy, spoilt party boy, who was more interested in womanising than doing something with his life. He'd prove challenging too, I thought, turning towards the door; probably picking up girls every weekend and causing havoc because he had nothing else to do. I only hoped they were Moroi girls and not humans he was becoming physical with. I was surprised at how vehemently I opposed the idea of a human and a Moroi together; and in that moment I decided to do my best to defend humans from being tricked into Adrian Ivashkov's bed.

I opened the hotel door and locked it behind me for the last time. I'd been hiding out there for two days, watching time tick away from beneath me, drawing me closer and closer to the moment that I would have to 'return' – because that was the official story, that there had been a family emergency I'd had to leave for – to Palm Springs and begin what I was sure had been the torture I had suffered before my accident all over again.

Stanton was in the lobby holding a cup of coffee, which she passed to me as I joined the older Alchemist. I took it gratefully, and we made our way out into the already hot morning sun. I took a moment to appreciate the heat pressing against my skin but allowed myself only a short indulgence; no point in revelling in what I couldn't have. Vampires couldn't handle intense exposure to sunlight, hence their positioning of Jillian here in Palm Springs, a place those hunting her would never expect. It was the only decent part of my job.

"Are you quite confident you know who they are?" Stanton said, leading me to a brown car that was supposed to jog a memory but didn't. All I recognised it from was the paperwork; but, just like when I had seen it in paper form, I immediately loved the car. I ran a hand along the paintjob gently, the heat of the metal warming my hand.

"Jillian Dragomir, Edison Castile, Angeline Dawes, Adrian Ivashkov, now known as Melrose. Our older brother Keith is travelling in Europe. Edison is my twin and only Adrian lives off campus. He attends a local college, studying art."

Keith was – I had been informed – in Re-Education because he'd been working with the vampires in ways that were most definitely not condoned by the Alchemists. It had been a shocking revelation to discover that someone – even a person as vile as Keith – could forget their education in such a manner.

Stanton nodded, satisfied. "Glad to have you back with us, Miss Sage," she said approvingly. "You always were one of our finest."

I gave her a small smile. "Thank you, Mam."

"You are expected for Monday morning classes. I'll call in sometime next week to ensure all is running smoothly."

I nodded and unlocked the car, climbing up into the driver's seat, placing my bag in the passenger seat. I started the engine, but didn't pull away as I saw Stanton motioning for me to roll down the window.

"Mam?"

"Good luck, Miss Sage," she said. "There is a lot of responsibility on your shoulders. Be careful."

My brow creased slightly, but I nodded. She returned the gesture and turned away, walking to her car across the lot. I took a deep breath and pulled out the spot, pulling on the freeway and back towards Amberwood.

I'd gotten lost several times on campus, but had eventually made it to my room. I quickly shut myself in, not willing to admit to anyone that I was here, a place I had to pretend I remembered perfectly and wished I'd never left. The task seemed increasingly more and more difficult with every step I took, and I wanted to be alone for just a little longer. My mood improved slightly when I saw that on the desk by the window there was a coffee machine. The sight was familiar and comforting; it made me feel like I knew who the girl that had lived here before the accident was, more than anything that had happened here so far.

I suddenly felt the need to find more of that girl, and headed to the wardrobe. All my belongings had been left behind while I'd been in hospital and I didn't recognise them, but they were of my usual style, and that was enough to make me feel better about it all. I could, at least, keep my appearance together. These clothes were bigger than I would have liked, but I had started dieting again now, and hoped that soon the results would cause me to have to buy a new wardrobe.

I didn't imagine I'd eat much being around the vampires, anyway, I mused, unpacking my bag onto the bed. Stanton had said it wasn't uncommon for Alchemists to feel physically ill around them. I couldn't remember, though I'd tried, how I'd felt before.

There was a knock at the door, and I froze, hovering over my case.

They knocked again, but I didn't move.

"Sydney?"

It was a female voice, young; Jillian or Angeline, probably. I stood up and took a deep breath, squaring my shoulders, before crossing to the door and opening it. Before me stood a tall, slim Moroi girl with blonde hair, who I recognised instantly from her photograph.

"Sydney!" she suddenly threw herself at me, and I stumbled back with a small yelp, not letting her touch me.

Her brow furrowed and a look of hurt washed across her face. "Sydney?"

"Jillian," I answered smoothly, taking control of the situation, though my heart was thudding in my chest painfully loudly. "How can I help you?"

"Jillian?" she looked perplexed. "Sydney, what's wrong with you?"

I shook my head. "Nothing. I've just arrived back and I would appreciate some privacy, if there is nothing I can assist you with."

"Oh," the Moroi princess looked as if she was about to burst into tears, chewing on her bottom lip. "Well – we were going to ask if you wanted to go out for lunch after we've been to Clarence's for a feeding."

My eyes widened in horror before I managed to wipe the look from my face. _A feeding? _Already? I'd hoped that wouldn't have to happen any time soon, but it appeared luck was not on my side.

"Unfortunately I have a lot of work to catch up on," I told her, diplomatically, but with enough authority to let her know there was no room for argument. "I'll drive you to Mr Donahue's house, but then I have to come back here."

"Are you sure it can't wait at all? I mean, you don't know how many times Adrian has nearly driven halfway across the country to wherever you've been, the only thing that stopped him was worrying what would happen to you with the Alchemists – and what's _with _that anyway? The whole family emergency thing? We don't believe it for a second, Sydney. We haven't heard anything from you for a month! Living with Adrian's moods has been awful. He was so upset you didn't leave him a note, or call, or _anything._"

I'd studied those notes, but I really had no idea why Lord Ivashkov would require separate information on my departure, or why he would want to chase after me. I was thankful he hadn't tried to discover where I was, however, because that would have been very difficult to explain away, particularly considering my lack of memory. I was about to ask her what she was referring to, when she suddenly thrust a cell phone into my face.

"Here," she said. "Speak to him. Get him to cheer up."

I took the phone from her cautiously, as if touching it would harm me. All this information and pretence was exhausting me, and I just wanted to lie down and go to sleep.

I frowned. I had a job to do, and I was going to do it. The person on the other end of the phone picked up, and I put it to my ear.

"What's up, Jailbait?"

"Um," I said into the phone. The speaker had, I thought, a lovely voice; warm, masculine. "This is Sydney Sage."

"Sage?" Something in the man's voice broke as he said my surname, and I felt a strange wave of pity wash through me for a moment. "Is it really you? Where the hell have you been? Do you know how worried I've been about you?"

"Lord Ivashkov, is it?" I asked, turning from Jill and walking back into my room. "How can I help you?"

"Lord Ivashkov? Sydney, what are you talking about? Where have you been? I've missed you -"

With a gasp I held the phone away from my ear and turned away from my bed, the way I'd been facing. I could hear him still speaking at the end of the phone but I passed it back to Jillian, eyes wide, hand trembling again.

"Sydney?" the Princess looked concerned. "Are you alright?"

"What time is the feeding?" I asked stoically, forcing my voice into some semblance of calm. _He said he missed me. A vampire said he missed me._

"At one. Are you sure you're okay to -"

My eyes cut to hers from the wall above her. "Will Lord Ivashkov be at the feeding?"

She nodded slowly.

"How have you been getting to feedings without me?" I said, leaning against the doorframe suddenly, feeling exhausted. "I think I need to lie down."

"I'll ask Adrian to take me," she said, lifting the phone to her ear again, but not before she asked "are you sure you're okay?"

The speech at the end of the phone had ceased, but he must have still been on the line because Jillian spoke directly to him. I gave her a nod and stepped backwards, closing the door on her. I clicked the lock into place and backed away towards the bed, where I sank down on the mattress and tried to calm my racing heart.

I remembered suddenly my new cell phone number, and wondered if I should go after Jillian to inform her off it, but I was too afraid; afraid of what the vampire had said, of what it meant, of how Jillian appeared to think _I _was acting strange rather than him. She had, I reconciled, survived this long without my current number. I pushed away the guilty feeling as I pulled my knees up to my chest.

I didn't remember Sydney Sage before my accident, but now I wasn't sure that I wanted to.

"It's nothing," I whispered to myself, perplexed at my reaction as much as his words. "Vampires aren't like humans. He clearly doesn't understand our relationship. I'll have to explain it to him." I nodded, calming myself. "We are colleagues and it is inappropriate to speak like that to me."

I took a deep breath. I could report him to Stanton and tell her I felt uncomfortable. In fact, I had scrolled through my contacts and was waiting for her to pick up before I realised what I'd done. My fingers drummed nervously on my thigh.

"Miss Sage?"

It was Stanton's that greeted me, but it was another voice that I heard. A male voice, deep and earnest –

There was a pause.

"I – I just wanted to confirm," I cleared my throat. "I've arrived and spoken to the princess and will be taking her to Clarence Donahue's house this afternoon."

"Excellent. Anything else, Miss Sage?"

"No, mam," I said. She said something else that I didn't hear, and hung up.

I took a deep breath and stood up. It appeared I'd be taking Jillian to the feeding after all.

Wondering what on earth I was doing, I left my room, grabbing my copy of _Les Misérables _on the way out to read in the car.


End file.
